Weigh in 1

Yesterday was my first weigh in and I am already down to 174. I'm still a fat ass, but I am totally on track and so proud of myself. I am going to work even harder this week. My challenge for the week is going to be to eat only one serving of bread or pasta a day. That doesn't sound like much, but I am pretty poor, so bread and pasta are just about the only things I can afford. oh well, I know I can do this. I can't wait to see next weeks results.

hungry

I am eating 1425 Cals/day. For a while I was really just estimating this amount and I must have been totally off because I am hungry as fuck right now! I am not going to give in though. I know it's just my body getting used to the change and my fat cells begging for their lives. I keep going back and forth today between wanting to eat shitty food and wanting to eat way less than my goal amount of Cals. I know I can't do either if I want to lose this weight though. I feel really confident in my ability to stay on target. I think I'll be even more motivated after my first weigh in. That has been another challenge for me. Just staying the hell away from the scale is difficult, but seeing the fluctuations that occur throughout the day can be completely discouraging, so I just have to resist the urge to compulsively weigh myself. It's funny, after writing this I feel less hungry. I guess it was more boredom and anxiety than hunger. I'm still trying to learn the difference.

september measurements

Bust 41 Waist 31 Hips 44 Arm 13 Thigh 25

blog outline

I am 5'7", in Feb I weighed in at 200.8 lbs. I am down to 176 now and hope to reach my goal weight of 121 by august of next year. I am taking it slow so I don't fuck up my metabolism and get stuck before I get to my goal. I used a bmr calculator to figure out how many calories I will need each step of the way. I will be posting tips and tricks during the journey as well as wkly weigh ins, monthly measurements, and eventually monthly pics. I hope someone stumbles onto this blog so I can make some friends and weight loss buddies :)

intro to my ED

So, I guess I'll start by saying a little bit about myself. I am 27 years old, I have been married for 3 years, and have 3 beautiful pitbull children. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia for about 15 years. No I am not "pro ana". I just wanted my blog to be accessible to those who are in a similar circumstance. You will not find redundant word vomit hailing to the almighty fucking ana or mia. I am diseased and fucked up and am just trying to find a compromise to be as healthy as I can. I was somewhat recovered for about 2 yrs....by recovered I mean only purging a couple of times a wk, fattening up like the prize fucking heffer, and loathing myself every step of the way. I should go ahead and tell you that I have never been my ultimate goal weight of 93 lbs, but I have gotten down to 109. For a long time I felt like such a failure and kept trying over and over to get there, getting fatter and fatter with each "recovery" period. I feel like I am finally at a point in my life where I can take back some control. I don't want to be emaciated. I just want to be beautiful and thin. My ultimate goal weight is now 121, which for my height (5'7") is only one pound underweight. I feel like this is totally manageable without getting so hungry I constantly b/p and fluctuate. I feel so happy, alive, and free right now to think about never purging again. I have been on my new diet plan for a wk now and have only purged once. I am very proud of myself. I know that I'm fat as fuck right now, but just knowing there is an end in sight has filled me with so much hope. That is why I started this blog. To help me STAY MOTIVATED :)