intro to my ED

So, I guess I'll start by saying a little bit about myself. I am 27 years old, I have been married for 3 years, and have 3 beautiful pitbull children. I have suffered from anorexia and bulimia for about 15 years. No I am not "pro ana". I just wanted my blog to be accessible to those who are in a similar circumstance. You will not find redundant word vomit hailing to the almighty fucking ana or mia. I am diseased and fucked up and am just trying to find a compromise to be as healthy as I can. I was somewhat recovered for about 2 yrs....by recovered I mean only purging a couple of times a wk, fattening up like the prize fucking heffer, and loathing myself every step of the way. I should go ahead and tell you that I have never been my ultimate goal weight of 93 lbs, but I have gotten down to 109. For a long time I felt like such a failure and kept trying over and over to get there, getting fatter and fatter with each "recovery" period. I feel like I am finally at a point in my life where I can take back some control. I don't want to be emaciated. I just want to be beautiful and thin. My ultimate goal weight is now 121, which for my height (5'7") is only one pound underweight. I feel like this is totally manageable without getting so hungry I constantly b/p and fluctuate. I feel so happy, alive, and free right now to think about never purging again. I have been on my new diet plan for a wk now and have only purged once. I am very proud of myself. I know that I'm fat as fuck right now, but just knowing there is an end in sight has filled me with so much hope. That is why I started this blog. To help me STAY MOTIVATED :)